For many, marriage is a milestone, an expected chapter in the book of life. But for Chidinma (not her real name), it’s a concept she struggles to embrace. In many cultures especially in Nigeria, the idea of love is often linked to the institution of marriage, but she has chosen to be different. Star believes in love, in companionship, and even in soulmates, but not in the lifelong commitment of sharing a home with a partner. In this conversation, she shares her reasons, her relationship dynamics, and the philosophy behind her decision.
Hey Chidinma, so you don’t believe in marriage?
Nah. I don’t believe in the idea of marriage.
Are you in a relationship?
Yes, I am.
Tell me how you met your partner and how long you’ve been together
We met online. It was my birthday and a mutual friend shared my photo on their WhatsApp status. He reached out to the friend and we connected. I’ve known him for like 6 years now and we’ve been together for 5 years.
Being together that long makes me assume you believe in love
I totally believe in love and soul mates. However, my definition of soul mate is that you guys don’t have to live together under the same roof forever. You can have soul mates, spend time together and give each other space. Marriage is defined by people coupling together under one roof and I don’t see how that is feasible for me. I love love. I believe in love. I believe in soul mate as someone who has your back, someone you can count on. But it doesn’t mean you people have to live under the same roof. You guys can be a partner for life, man. I don’t believe in that marriage tag.
Why?
Because I’ve realised I’m not comfortable sharing my own space. I have a boyfriend and I visit often but I’ve realised I’m not comfortable with people for that long. The idea of staying with somebody for a long period does not really sit well with me. I love my space so much and I get bored easily. Sometimes when I stay for a week with my boyfriend, that week feels like forever. Like I want to leave.
Wow
Yeah, I’m a very quiet person and I spend most of the time being by myself. So I do not see how that kind of lifestyle suits marriage because if you’re married, you have to let go of certain lifestyles and then adapt [to a new one.] I don’t see myself adapting. I always want to run and go to my safe space. I always want to be alone. Aside from liking my personal space too much, I also don’t like the responsibilities that come with marriage. Because I feel like when you’re married to somebody, you’re totally responsible for that person. I don’t think I have the strength.
Does your boyfriend know you don’t believe in marriage?
Yes, and he didn’t influence my decision. This is something we’ve spoken about and he’s fine with it. At first, it was always an issue and he would constantly ask: “Why are you in the other room? What is wrong with you?” I just wanted to leave or be by myself but he’s come to understand my person and he’s fine with it. The relationship we currently have is awesome. He is someone that has been there for me; he’s always reliable. He’s everything and more. I totally adore him. And I think we’re fine.
Do you see that changing soon?
Who knows? Maybe in the long run. Maybe 2 or 3 years from now. But for now, this is how I feel. The idea of living with someone for life is scary. There are so many differences between people and I don’t think I want to compromise or bend. I cannot for the life of me imagine that you go out, you come back and it’s the same person. It is rare for you to see a man who is 100 per cent understanding that I sometimes want my own space. So to avoid that shalaye and too much talk, it is just best to set your rules.
Do you think you’re being selfish? I mean, your boyfriend compromised for you
Honestly, marriage is not for every day and society needs to understand this and make peace with it. Not everybody will get married and people need to respect that ideology concerning marriage. What exactly is the big deal about marriage? You’ll always have someone, it’s just that they are not in the same space with you all the time but you know you have a partner you can always run to when in need. You’re just not living together.
What about your family?
Funny enough, my family is not aware of this decision. My mummy prays every day for my marriage. But my personality does not fit a marriage for now. I can stay in the house for two days without eating, and that won’t work if you’re in a marriage.
And… kids?
Of course, this does not affect my decision to have kids. I’m going to have kids and live with them for a long time, but that’s different. They are my offspring, from my body. But with a man? Forever? Nah.
The post What Does It Mean to Believe in Love but Reject Marriage? appeared first on BellaNaija - Showcasing Africa to the world. Read today!.
from BellaNaija https://ift.tt/zpEQor8
via IFTTT