There is a certain type of nurturing from our childhoods that impacts our way of living later in life. One of those impacts comes from how we view family and family settings. I grew up fantasising a lot about having a family of my own. Or rather having children. I didn’t comprehend the entire concept of the family-hood but I craved glimpses or make-believe of what a family is, just like people who dream of having many, fewer, or no kids at all based on their upbringing. I thought being with someone was something simple until I was asked a life-changing question by a potential suitor, “Are you emotionally mature?” And then I started ruminating on what it means to be with a person. It’s still scary up till now. Events unfold between me and my partner and our only child that remain incomprehensible.
Between my childhood and early teen years, I’d have loved to be educated or advised more on what family was all about. The only lesson I had was growing up making dolls out of body wrappers and mat ropes to coordinate. I enjoyed feeding the cloth doll even as I knew it was leaking right from the other end. I was posing myself as a mother tending to a child. It brought about good feelings; it allowed me to exercise my nurturing skills, as I tended to something that wasn’t capable of doing anything by itself.
The fantasies I had from these kept me on the fantastical island for long but they were never enough. They can never be enough and I’m paying the price right now. I am now thrown out of the world of doll children into real-life experiences. I’m now a mother who has to show up for her child needless of how I feel. My hands are more tied now than when I used to make doll babies. I am now conforming to sitting up and acting as a role model. When I relapse from doing so, I force myself up and retry painfully again.
This rollercoaster has changed my perspective of what family and family settings were all about. It’s a serious affair that involves real human beings and not dolls; real humans to cater to without leakage from the other end and a partner whom you look up to assist with raising the kid — unlike when I played family house setting and used my cousins and little sisters as maids.
Family requires sacrifice, forgiveness, and tolerance for togetherness. It’s not just about blood ties. Having each other’s backs is vital because creating a family is not an easy feat, and our upbringing has a responsibility in this too.
Most of us grew up playing family house with doll children but that doesn’t prepare us for the emotional struggle that comes with having a real-life family in the future. The fun we had with the doll children was necessary and important for our childhood memories but they are not for what’s to come in the future. Establishing a family, whether with a partner or children, is a serious commitment.
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